i’m the most important person in the world. i’m so cool that it makes you look like a fool. oh yeah. the only thing better than me is nothing. i’m the man. oh yeah. i’m so cool that my armpits don’t even stink. it’s more like smelling some sort of demented banana split than an armpit. i’m so great that when i doodle in a notepad it instantly turns to gold and is worth millions of dollars. when i fart, the smell is completely imaginary. there is no stink, it’s just in your head. when i step in dog crap, it instatly sprouts flowers and attracts butterflies and bumblebees, and then they crosspollentate the flowers and the bees produce the sweetest honey your lips have ever tasted. oh yes, i am just that cool. the other day i saw an old lady trying to cross the street, but she had no legs, so i actually built a set of robotic legs so she should walk across the road by herself. she was pretty pleased with me for being so nice. i’m a very nice person, and i’m really humble too. i never brag about the good things i do for people. i cured a dying boy of cancer just because i wanted to be nice. his parents gave me a millon dollars as a reward and i split it between every charity in the world because i am just that good. i’ve personally fed every starving child in every third world nation at least twice, and i’ve seperated conjoined twins with microscopic precision using just my laser beam eyes. everyone reading this should be honored that they actually get to hear my thoughts and feelings. if you don’t feel honored, you’re very ingrateful, because i don’t have to share myself with all of you. you should feel humbled in my presence because i am just that cool. if you don’t believe it, then you’re wrong, and that’s all there is to it.
